Sunday Scribblings - "Somewhere" - 8/31/08

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt was "Somewhere". Though I am hardly a poet, this little rhyme came to mind. I hope someone enjoys it.

Somewhere there is paradise
For those that are devout
And Valhalla awaits the faithful
Of that I have no doubt

Heaven’s gates will open
With it’s perfection and allure
Utopia is expected
By the pious and the pure

Since I know I’m not worthy
Of rewards somewhere greater
I will enjoy my Elysium
Now, instead of later

For I have my Arcadia
Nirvana is within reach
I exist in Shangri-la
Right here at Myrtle Beach

Wordless Wednesday - My New Wingman - 8/27/08

Sunday Scribblings - "Ask"- 8/10/08

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt is "Ask". I came up with this:

Every four years the world comes together to determine which countries have developed the most undetectable performance enhancing drugs. They call this event, the summer Olympics. As the 2008 version is underway, I feel the need to ask a few questions.

In 1980, in my opinion the most spineless president the United States has ever known, Jimmy Carter, boycotted the Moscow Olympics. The reason was that the Russians invaded Afghanistan and even though they were getting their butts kicked, our allies (we had more then) and us wanted them out. Several other nations joined us in the boycott. In retaliation, the Warsaw Pact returned the favor in 1984.

So why are we embracing the Chinese, whose human rights record is one of the worst in history? They torture and kill their dissidents. Could it be that we are overlooking China’s malevolence because they are the largest emerging consumer market and it is to everyone’s best interest to promote their economy, which the Olympics surely does? The Chinese bought the Olympics, just as the Mormons in Salt Lake City did in the winter of 2002.


A lot of us Americans, who have enjoyed freedoms and excesses that most of the world only dreams of, don’t really consider what the loss of them would mean. It is very popular to criticize the government, particularly the President of the United States. I do it myself. What if I wrote in this blog, “George Bush is a shitty president” and my door was knocked down minutes later, my computer seized, and I was incarcerated for the rest of my life? That is the situation in China.

I saw where Iraq was banned from these Olympics. They have only won one bronze medal in their history and that was in 1960. Why bother to ban them? No one notices whether they are there or not. I see they have since removed the ban. I am sure the world is trembling now that this Olympic powerhouse is back in competition. If there was an event that included dodging land mines or detecting car bombs, Iraq would win gold. But I don't think their way of life is conducive to training for saber fencing.

While I am on the subject of the Olympics, why do women’s volleyball teams wear normal athletic attire but the beach volleyball players wear an outfit that would get them arrested at many American beaches? Does a wedgie make one more aerodynamic? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching this event, but I have no idea how or when they score or which team wins. Nor do I care.




I also love women’s gymnastics, but it is the only time in my life I feel a bit like a pedophile. Again, I do not track the scoring. While on the subject of women's gymnastics, I have to ask: why is Mary Lou Retten held in such high esteem? She won gold when 11 of the top 12 women gymnasts were busy boycotting the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. She essentially beat nobody. Yet, her name comes up and her commentary is solicited each time women are competing. She was even featured on a Wheaties box. Talk about right place at the right time. This is just like Byron Nelson winning 11 consecutive PGA tournament events in 1945, when all the other golfers were fighting in World War II. Not impressive.

I used to watch track and field but like my beloved baseball, I can no longer be certain whether I am watching a great athlete or a great chemist. Marion Jones and Barry Bonds among many others have ruined these sports for me. If in a few years we find that Michael Phelps was anabolically enhanced, I will be greatly saddened, but unfortunately, not surprised.

Why are sports like synchronized swimming (which should be featured on “So You Think You Can Dance”) and table tennis Olympic sports? Then why not NASCAR and Texas Hold-em?

I have to stop now; there are groups of Chinese men, synchronized swimmers, and Jimmy Carter beating at my door.

Wordless Wednesday - Josh's Bucket List - 8/6/08

Sunday Scribblings - "Do I Have To?" 8/3/08

The Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is "Do I have to?" The following post will eventually get to that if you follow along:

In the late 70s I was stationed with my family at Aviano AB, Italy. My oldest son, Rick, attended the Department of Defense elementary school there. This was back in the day that parents took an active role in their child’s education. Educators tell me that here in the 21st century that is not necessarily the case. As involved parents, we joined the Parent Teacher Association (PTA). I am fairly certain that organization now has a more politically correct name such as Gender Non-specific Nurturing, Enlightening, and Pedagogy Organization. We attended a meeting in which the election of officers for the upcoming school year was being held. I had heard that newly elected officers attended an annual PTA spring leadership conference in the German Bavarian mountain resort of Berchtesgaden. Nominations were taken from the floor. It was obvious to me that the only position that would gain me a trip to the Alps without any responsibility at all was Vice President. The lack of effort required for the office of vice president is evident in all organizations. This fact was most recently proven by Al Gore and Dick Chaney. Though only in my twenties, I was elected in a landslide over the very unpopular incumbent, whom everyone believed only accepted the position because of the all expenses paid leadership conference. Imagine that.

Upon arrival and registration at Berchtesgaden, there were sign-up sheets for the various seminars, focus groups, and activities that constituted the leadership conference. One that caught my eye was the Outdoor Leadership Adventure Experience. I grew up in the mountains of northern Idaho and camping, hiking, and even orienteering were very doable for me. After all, I had advanced through the ranks of the Boy Scouts all the way to Tenderfoot and could tie several knots and if anyone needed a tourniquet, I was their man. I proudly signed up. The most attractive aspect of this particular activity is that it conflicted with nearly every boring seminar I was anxious to avoid, such as the potentially riveting "Sharing Instructional Strategies: Bridging the Theory-to-Practice Gap".

It was springtime and the Alps were absolutely breathtaking with indescribable colors and the cleanest, thinnest, air my lungs had ever inhaled. We pitched tents somewhere on Mt Watzmann. I immediately was looked to as a leader as I had experience in this area. So far, so good.

Then everything began to unravel. I had underestimated how cold a spring night at nearly 8,000 feet could be. My sleeping bag was woefully inadequate. It occurred to me that in Idaho we camp in the summer and not on a glacier. It seemed I had just drifted off to sleep when our guides began beating drums and blowing horns to begin our day. Our first task was to “be invigorated” by taking a dip in a mountain stream.

For the first of several times these words came to mind, “do I have to?” It seemed that I did have to or risk losing my group leader status. I am certain that status was severely jeopardized when I screamed like a little girl as the icy water caused my manhood to retract and disappear. Having survived that peril it was time for our adventure to begin in earnest.

We hiked still higher and when we were at the end of a trail with a huge bottomless precipice before us, we stopped. Klaus and Hans (not their real names, but could have been), two of our guides, began rigging a series of ropes, lanyards, carabiners, and harnesses. My first thought was, “cool, they are going to demonstrate rappelling.” Then the title of the course I was on came to me. Watching Klaus and Hans would not really be an adventure or an experience now, would it? An adventure for Klaus and Hans, but not for our little group, who had suddenly all become very quiet, and moving as one organism away from the cliff. When preparations had been completed, the question was asked in early Schwarzenegger sounding English, “who vants to go first?” For the second time the words of this prompt echoed in my head. Suddenly a couple of hours of "Strategies for Teaching Reading & Writing Across the Curriculum" sounded pretty good to me. Then I realized that I had been volunteered by my fellow campers to go first. Before I knew it or had a chance to fake a seizure, Klaus and Hans were rigging me up and giving me all the classroom rappelling instruction that I was to receive. This ground-school consisted of four of five sentences of a mixture of broken English and high German that I understood very little of. In the following decade I would live in Germany and my German vocabulary would improve significantly, but at this time it was limited to "Ein gross Bier bitte." Nice to know but hard to apply as one is plummetting into an abyss. The parts I did comprehend sounded as though my teachers were casually minimizing the importance of knowing just what the hell I was doing. Luckily one of them went down on a rope next to me and told me to mimic what he did. I survived the descent, but never added rappelling to my list of hobbies.

We did several other activities during our experience, but after throwing myself off a mountain on a rope, they all seemed pretty tame.

This memory came to mind as my son, Josh, prepares to take his first parachute jump on Sunday. I will be watching, with my feet firmly on solid ground. His jump will be videoed and am an certain that in true Wainright fashion he will scream like a little girl.

Sunday Scribblings - Solace - 7/27/08

The Sunday Scribblings’ prompt this week is “solace”. I could write something romantic about the ocean or southern summer nights providing solace, but that would not be entirely true. I do not take solace from religion, as so many do. I take solace from food. This may seem innocent enough, but food addiction is just as deadly as heroin. It would probably be all right if I was comforted by celery or sprouts, but unfortunately, I am soothed by only the most unhealthy of foods. As a doctor once said, “if it tastes good, spit it out.”

I love pasta, and my favorite is the most deadly of all, spaghetti carbonara. For those unfamiliar, it is basically pasta loaded with bacon, eggs, and cheese.

I am particularly fond of grilling a good steak,

fried foods,

and shellfish dipped in butter.

I love dessert.

If someone addicted to crack is a crack head, I am a grub head.

The problem, other than the obvious blocking of my arteries, is that the comfort is short-lived. I am depressed so I eat, then I am dejected because I eat.

I was going to write more, but I made myself hungry.

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Ladies Man - 7/18/08

I hadn't written one of these in a while. The challenge here is to tell a story using only 55 words. Try it. It is not as easy as it sounds. This one is about a guy we all know.

The club was emptying. Women that caught his eye were paired with someone. As the cliché promised, his hesitation had caused him to lose. Even through beer goggles, she was substandard, but, any port in a storm. He approached her confidently. “How would you like to dance?” She sized him up, “No thanks” she sneered.

Sunday Scribblings - My Oldest Friend - 7/13/08

When I read this week's prompt, "My Oldest Friend," it was the easiest prompt to respond to in the year or so that I have been writing Sunday Scribblings. Only one name came to mind. His name is Marc Dorendorf. We met in the seventh grade in 1964. We maintained our friendship throughout high school, playing sports together. I am number 44 and Marc is number 20. Our coach looked extremely drunk and thinking back I wouldn't blame him. We were better at baseball.

His mom and dad became my surrogate parents. I spent a lot of time as a welcome guest in their home. We would hang out at his place after baseball practice, gorging ourselves with Velveeta and ham sandwiches in his basement rec room.

After high school, we both attending the University of Idaho for a year. We both left school and went to work at the lead smelter of the Bunker Hill Company until we got our draft notices early in 1972. I married in June before departing for the Air Force in August. Marc was a groomsman in my wedding. My son Josh's middle name is Marc.

Marc elected to go into the Army for the minimum 2 years. He was spared Vietnam and spent his enlistment in Germany. I, on the other hand, spent 20 years in the Air Force. My experiences and family have been documented in previous posts. Marc met his future wife, Debbie, in Paris during his Army tour in Europe. After discharge, he returned to the University of Idaho and using his veteran's educational benefits, earned an accounting degree. He has a very successful CPA firm in Spokane, Washington. He and Debbie raised two great daughters.

Through the years, no matter where I was stationed, I received a family photo Christmas card and a newsletter. I followed his life and the growth of his family through snapshots in time. I have included some of those snapshots here. I have always carried them with me. They are not in perfect order due to my lack of computer skills, but they still chart the growth of his daughters and acquisition of a son-in-law, soon to be two. They have a beautiful home on a hill south of Spokane which, as you can see, has been home to several domestic animals. It is also been a refuge for countless deer through the years.






As you can see, through the years Marc's hair has advanced from black, through grey, to a shade of blue usually reserved for residents of Del Boca Vista, Florida (obscure Seinfeld reference).

We never completely lost touch and on my rare visits back to the Pacific Northwest, we always get together. 

This week, Marc informed me of the passing of his dad, Marvin, two days before his 81st birthday. He died on July 5th in the presence of his loving family.

Above are his 1945 Kellogg High School graduation photo (I see a little Jerry Lee Lewis happening there) and a photo as he looked the last time I saw him. I am not as sad as I am happy to have known him. He had a great run.
The memories that news brought up to me made the timing of this prompt perfect. Spending 20 years as a nomad in the military does not lend itself to establishing and maintaining long-term friendships. I greatly value this one.  I have other friends that I have known longer but as you will see, we never lost touch. 

Thursday Thirteen - 13 Jobs illegal Aliens Will Not Take From You - 7/10/08

A lot of people are concerned about illegal Immigrants taking jobs away from American citizens. The following is a partial list of occupations that are not threatened by the influx from Mexico. For job security, I recommend training in one of these professions:

1) Air Traffic Controller

2) Rocket Scientist

3) Brain Surgeon

4) Professional Basketball Player

5) Pharmacist

6) CEO of Microsoft

7) Airline Pilot

8) Actuary

9) Certified Public Accountant

10) Nuclear Physicist

11) Judge

12) Investment Banker

13) Professor of English Lit

Postscript: If your job can be taken away by someone who doesn't speak English, you have a shitty job.

Wordless Wednesday - 7/9/08

Thursday Thirteen - Things You Might Not Know - 6/26/08

This week's list is 13 things you might not know. Once you read it, you will know everything I know.

1. The book "Gadsby" written in 1939 by Earnest Wright does not contain a single word with the letter "e" in it. This is it: Gadsby

2. The heart of a blue whale is the size of an automobile.

3. Earth is the only planet not named after a God.

4. The metal can was invented 48 years before the can opener. Instructions on early cans called for a hammer and chisel.

5. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi never won a Nobel Peace Prize but Yasser Arafat did.

6. Istanbul Turkey is the only city in the world that is located on two continents.

7. Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. In some Spanish dialects, Colgate means "go hang yourself."

8. The Olympic, Titanic's sister ship, sailed the seas for 25 years.

9. The snap made by the tip of a bullwhip results from exceeding the speed of sound. It is a tiny sonic boom.

10. Watermelon, which is 92% water originated from the Kalahari Desert in Africa

11. The name Thailand literally means "land of the free." It is the only southeast Asian country to never be occupied and ruled by a European power.

12. Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world

13. The hymn "Amazing Grace" was written by a slave ship captain

Wordless Wednesday - 6/18/08

Thursday 13 - Clean Jokes - 6/12/08

These are 13, totally clean jokes that I think are funny. Some are very old, that does not make them less funny.

1. A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and offered the dog a biscuit. Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "What a kind man you are, rewarding him? That dog just peed on your leg!"
"Not kind," said the blind man, "I am trying to find his head so I can kick him in the butt."

2. A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway."

"Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"

"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

4. Bert took his black lab to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

5. A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

6. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

7. When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

8. Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing.”

9. Bob received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were rude. Bob tried to change the bird by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bob put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments, he heard it swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Bob was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bob's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour." Bob was astounded and was about to ask what had changed when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

10. A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

11. A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

12. Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"

13. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?"

Wordless Wednesday - Redneck Movers - 6/11/08

I can't leave this totally wordless. This vehicle is driving on I-77 in Charlotte. The mattress is secured by only a single piece of twine. The photo is poor because I used my antique cell phone.

Sunday Scribblings - "My Nights" Writer's Island - "Unexpected"

I had originally written a piece for this week about what I do in the summer evenings. But it was very boring and read like a Myrtle Beach Chamber of Commerce ad. So I decided to write about one single night at Myrtle Beach, Saturday night. That is why my post is going up late.

I went to see a band called Third Eye Blind. It was a free outdoor concert in conjunction with the annual Sun Fun Festival. I had heard a few of their songs but knew very little about this group other than in my opinion they had one of the best, most original, names ever for a band.

I got up very close to the stage as I have often done over many years of concert attendance. I was easily the oldest person in the area I was standing in by 25 years. There were enough blunts burning to give me a contact high and add to my enjoyment of the music. It was fun to see the twenty-somethings singing along with every song, as I did when I went to see The Stones "final" concert, in London, so many years ago.

Unexpectedly, I thoroughly enjoyed the concert. I was so impressed by their musical abilities that I came back home and read up on them. The lead guitar player, Tony Fredianelli, was as good as I have ever heard. His guitar solos were amazing. The lead singer and wordsmith, Stephan Jenkins, has penned some incredible lyrics. He has great stage presence and an ability to bond with his energetic audience. He projects an honesty that seems to be missing in many performers. They ended their show with a shortened cover of Stairway to Heaven. Jenkins’ voice sounded very much like Robert Plant used to sound. He nailed it. So many bands sound great in the studio, where their shortcomings can be enhanced by technology, but sound terrible live. Third Eye Blind is actually better live than on CD. Their energy cannot be felt from a studio recording. It was a very memorable night. You are listening to one of their songs right now. Enjoy!

The night before I had stopped to see another concert at the same outside venue from a band that should have been more age appropriate for me, the Catalinas. I managed to listen to about four songs before I decided to go find something fun to do. I think I was much too young to enjoy their music.

To me, they sounded like a very bad karaoke. If I ever have trouble sleeping I will purchase one of their recordings. It will be much cheaper than sleeping pills. They had begun performing in the late fifties and I think their voices deserted them sometime during the seventies. In their defense, they are probably one of the many groups for which the name has endured through the years with a revolving door of personnel. The Catalinas I heard probably had few, if any, original members. They are one of the many “beach music” bands that exist pretty much only in the Carolinas. Luckily most people that enjoy this music will be dead soon. Hey, I am joking here. Remember, “Writing With a Smirk?”

Thursday 13 - Songs I Never Pass On - 6/5/08

I have several hundred songs on the playlist that randomly plays on the IPOD in my car. Depending upon my mood I often skip songs as soon as the intro begins. These are 13 songs that I never pass on. I am never out of the mood to hear any of them. There are many more but these came to mind first:

1. Bed of Roses – Bon Jovi



2. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC



3. Pride and Joy – Stevie Ray Vaughn



4. Nessun Dorma – Luciano Pavarotti – one of the highlights of my life is seeing him live in Hyde Park in London from right in front of the stage – for free (London Rocks)



5. I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing – Aerosmith



6. Faithfully – Journey



7. Can’t Let Go – Lucinda Williams



8. Cry – Angie Aparo



9. Eruption – Van Halen



10. Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen



11. The Flame – Cheap Trick



12. Like a Hurricane – Neil Young



13. Not Fade Away – Buddy Holly

Three Word Wednesday - 55 Flash Fiction Friday - 6/4/08

I have not submitted to 3WW on a regular basis. Sometimes I read the words and nothing immediately comes to mind. Then suddenly it is Thursday and I know that I am too late for anyone to read it. But I realize if I want to consider myself a writer of any value I must be able to write even when not inspired. So, today I challenged myself to complete a 12 Word Wednesday using the last four prompts that I did not respond to: blurred, illegal, match, deny, smile, uncomfortable, cautious, human, maybe, average, neck, and scratch. And to challenge myself further I made myself form the words into a 55 Flash Fiction Friday.

I have always been uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe it is because my self-concept is blurred by my image of the average human, which I don’t match. I am cautious and seldom risk my neck. I have pretty much gone through life without a scratch, but I don’t deny myself an occasional illegal smile.

Wordless Wednesday - 6/4/08