Saturday, July 14, 2007

Hair - Sunday Scribblings 7/15/07



As I grow older, I seem to be able cultivate florets of hair from the most unlikely places. I am a proponent of evolution. It makes more sense than any opposing viewpoint. I understand how nose and ear hair protects those organs from dust and other airborne particles, but what is the function of the ever-increasing fleece on my back? Come on Darwin!! Is the aging process gradually returning me to my Pithecanthropus roots? And why do my auditory and olfactory senses suddenly require more protection now than when I was thirty? And what is that three-inch wild hair that occasionally appears overnight on my earflap that is protecting nothing?


And my eyebrows. I don’t think they required much attention during most of my adulthood, but now, who am I, Leonid Brezhnev (young people google his image)? I go for a haircut and invariably, my stylist (they like to be called that) will ask, somewhat disgustedly, ”would you like me to trim your eyebrows?” Who would say no to that? “No thanks, I am trying to look as unappealing as possible, that’s why I am paying you $20.00 for a haircut.” Then she pulls out the industrial strength clippers and deposits more hair cuttings directly into my eyes than she removed from my noggin. It wouldn't be so bad if my eyebrows grew symmetrically, but there are always offshoots that are a good inch longer than the bush. I wish it were socially acceptable to request a nose and ear hair touch-up as well. A conscientious stylist will however, casually remove the aforementioned single, wild earflap hair. I am certain that I am referred to in the appointment book as the missing link.


I knew a man in Wyoming about my age, who had totally given up on controlling his nose hair plantation and allowed it to become one with his mustache. An attractive look, it was not. When talking to him, you could not help but be drawn to this unique feature. Very much like a conversation with someone with a huge, black mole on his face. And yes, sometimes an unplanned hair can be seen emanating from that pre-melanoma.

Thankfully, at an age when many men are combing-over what little hair they can produce, my Native American heritage has spared me pattern baldness. But suddenly, the rest of my body has more fur than a 1970’s porn shoot.

14 comments:

Tammy said...

I think I'm glad to be a woman. I'm always getting after my husband for ear and nose hair. :)

Pinehurst in my Dreams said...

Ah, I wanted to laugh my head off, but unfortunately for those women who do not take hormones. . .also spout hair in unwanted places - like their faces!

When I cut my husbands hair, I trim his eyebrows and tweeze his ears. I have had to go after a stray nose hair once or twice since he cut his moustache off. When guys or gals sport eyebrows with 1-2" hangovers, I call them "schnauzer brows."

Pinehurst in my Dreams said...

Maybe the back hair is to keep you warm in the wintertime as when you grow older your metabolism slows. . .???

Speaking of hair, and I know I can be rather verbose. . .I saw a guy at a bank in Kellogg years ago who had a moustache that was so long. . .it curled into his mouth and disappeared. I imagined it probably was long enough to tickled his tonsils. I got to where I couldn't look at him after that without gagging. KuWaCk!

myrtle beached whale said...

Yes, I have seen the bearded ladies walking around. That is another element that I did not mention. When I was young I could get by with shaving a couple of times a week, now I need to shave twice a day not to have multi-colored (mostly grey) whiskers seeking daylight.

Lucy said...

With those eyebrows and this blog You are a natural comic! Your description of your 'stylist' cutting your brows has me crying. ( yes, we like to be called stylists now) I always include the ear trim, but No one can afford to have me trim those nose hairs! Once again.. thanks for the laughs

myrtle beached whale said...

Lucy:

Thanks for the comment. Let me clarify something though. That is not actually my photo with the eyebrows.

Rob Kistner said...

MBW - I thought this post was a kick... I loved it! We older men suffer s for our vanity... ;)

myrtle beached whale said...

Rob:

Thanks for the comments. I am reading them with one eye. The other is being irritated by eyebrow hair clippings.

Crafty Green Poet said...

My partner has perfect eyebrows, perfect, even though he's quite hairy in general. I have one eyebrow (as in it goes above both eyes)! Unfair!

Herb Urban said...

My wife bought me one of those ear and nose hair trimmers for my birthday a few years back. I didn't know if I should thank her or take offense.

Love the Brezhnev reference. His eyebrows were the original WMD. I bet if he ever shaved them off, it would have revealed a Gorbachev type birthmark.

Patois said...

Something is calling to mind in me the Geico television commercials. Why is that?

myrtle beached whale said...

Are you calling me a caveman? LOL
Or a green lizard with a British accent?

gautami tripathy said...

You look nothing like caveman going by that picture!

Your posts are always so funny and interesting..:D

myrtle beached whale said...

Gautami:

Thank you so much on both counts. I appreciate your comments so much.