Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Close Call With Technology 4/18/2010

Yesterday I attended CREATE South 2010 at Horry-Georgetown Technical College. CREATE is an acronym for Carolina Regional Exposition of Art, Technology and Education. CREATE 2010 was an all-day event. My reasons for attending were to learn how to increase the number of people who regularly read my blog into double figures and to hear the Yale Brothers perform while I ate free barbecue.

I was more out of place at this event than a Clemson football player in a classroom. I am certain I was the only person in the room that did not speak fluent Klingon. I confirmed my fears that my understanding of technology lies somewhere between Fred Flintstone and the Bushmen of the Kalahari. Everyone came in with their notebooks and I Phones and immediately linked up, becoming one organism, like the Borg, I couldn’t bring my own laptop, as my battery only lasts about 30 seconds without recharge and I would have had to haul in my docking station and a huge roll of extension cord. It would be like the Yale Brothers setting up for a half-hour show.

It was like being in Salt Lake City or Harlem. Everyone knew each other. Some had never met face to face, but they knew each other just the same. A presenter would mention a person’s name that I had of course never heard of, and I think I could actually hear orgasms scattered through the room. Guy Kawasaki evidently has nothing to do with motorcycles. And Chris Brogan is the Tiger Woods of the geek world, sans the random fornication.

I am so glad that I did not embarrass myself by bringing in my cell phone. I think they would have gathered around me like the monkeys at the monolith. I am certain I was the only person in the room that had actually made a telephone call on their cell phone. Most of these folks probably didn’t know that feature still existed.
Well, there was little discussion about blogging, other than the fact that the google network that I use for this blog is not used by anyone else but losers like me. The real bloggers use Wordpress. Every time the word Google was uttered, the entire room broke into hysterical laughter. The talk was all about podcasts, twitter, Comcast, camtasia, social media, and living in the online community. I don’t live in the online community. I like to go there, but I enjoy the real world. Some of these people haven’t ventured outside since Al Gore invented the Internet. I think I got my answer as to why nobody reads my blog. It is the same reason nobody reads Beowulf anymore. Why take the timed to read this crap when you can listen to a podcast while you twitter?

There was a portion of the day devoted to networking ideas between attendees. Someone would get up and talk about a project and somebody else would offer their particular skills and expertise, immediately creating a partnership. Since I have no project ideas, skills or expertise, I was not a part of this phenomenon, though I found it interesting. One person wants to put all the world’s works of art online so kids won’t have to go to museums to see them. One of the presenters made the comment that there are no bad ideas. I silently disagreed. Exterminating the Jews and changing the Coke formula immediately came to mind. That and putting all the world’s works of art online so kids won’t have to go to museums.

One old guy got up and in his efforts to hawk a book he had written claimed that he invented the Happy Meal. Being the cynic that I am, I took his name down and looked it up on the Internet (when I got home) and discovered that he was one french-fry short of a Happy Meal. I think he comes from the Al Gore School of inventing things. I knew he was questionable when he explained his book at length and I still had no idea what it was about.

The good news is that the barbecue was excellent and I got a chance to meet Chris Yale, who has managed to avoid me up until now.