Friday, May 30, 2008

Sunday Scribblings - "Curve" Writer's Island - "Extravaganza" 6/1/08

The initial response I get when I tell people I am originally from Idaho is invariably “oh, potatoes.” (That is if I am speaking to someone geographically savvy enough not to confuse Idaho with Iowa and start discussing corn) I guess identifying with potatoes is better than the other things Idaho is infamous for, Aryan Nations, the Ruby Ridge massacre, and a Senator Larry Craig's men's room reacharound. I will pause for a moment while the unfamiliar google these entries. Idaho is perhaps the most joked about state north of the Mason Dixon Line (I hope you don’t have to google that line of demarcation). Here are a few of my favorite Idaho jokes, though old:

This is the reining Miss Idaho
Why do most college football fields in Idaho use Astroturf? To keep the cheerleaders from grazing
What do you call a beautiful woman in Idaho? A tourist
Idaho is the only state with two capitals: Spokane and Salt Lake City. This is funny because neither is actually in Idaho but Spokane is the center of commerce for the northern part of the state and Salt Lake City is the location of the Mormon Church headquarters, which governs southern Idaho. That is a really funny joke if you can find Idaho on the map.

Anyway, you get the idea that Idaho is not the cultural center of the Universe. Well, that is not what my blog is about. The Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is “curve” and the Writer's Island prompt is "extravaganza". This is what I came up with:

Idaho is that weird shaped state that resembles an intoxicated person attempting the letter “L”. The north and south have very little in common, not even a time zone. I think it is important at this time to say that I am from northern Idaho. Potatoes do not grow in northern Idaho. It is all mountains and rivers and lakes and beauty, while the south is, well……potatoes. Northern Idaho is called the "panhandle". That is not because we hit up Washington and Montana for loose change, it is because of its narrowness.


It is nearly 500 miles from a very defendable border 50 mile border with Canada to the desolation that is Nevada and Utah. But you can't get there from here. Amazingly, due to terrain, there is only one highway that links the north and south without venturing deeply into Montana. It is US Highway 95. I did not say Interstate. No way. It is a mostly 2-lane highway that we motorists share with wildlife and stray domestic animals. Or at least it was when I lived there. It weaves its way over and around mountains. Real mountains. Not the hills passed off as mountains in the Appalachians. As you can see by the map, that 500 miles is not as the crow flies. Unless he is a crow with a very poor GPS.

The most hazardous stretch of Highway 95 was the 10-mile stretch dropping into the town of Lewiston driving south from Moscow. And dropping is the operative word here. It dropped 2,000 feet and included 64 turns. Many of these turns were hairpin curves with a surely fatal drop should a driver fail to negotiate one. Dale Earnhardt wouldn’t have exceeded 30 mph for much of the ride. Couple the dangerous road with the fact that snow and ice add an infinite degree of difficulty through the winter months as well as the probability of meeting an out-of-control logging truck on a narrow switchback.

There was a weekly extravaganza witnessed by the citizens below as headlights disappeared only to reappear in places there was no pavement. There were unrecoverable vehicle carcasses of failed attempts littering the valley below as well as sections of guardrail missing or severely disfigured marking departure points of those “getting air.” Though there were many other curvaceous stretches of US Highway 95, none could match the Lewiston Hill. I do not have numbers to support this claim but I am fairly certain there were more fatalities on this stretch of highway than the rest of Idaho’s portion of US Highway 95 combined.


I have been down that grade as a passenger of many school busses piloted by white-knuckled drivers and cars driven by chemically enhanced college students.

And your reward for making it to Lewiston was to be greeted by the foulest stench you can imagine from the pulp mill that was located there. I am fairly certain the EPA has probably curtailed that operation due to the pollutants.

The Lewiston Hill road was replaced with a straighter, much more user friendly highway in 1979. An extravagant gesture by a state that spends so little on highways that the only time potholes are filled is by ice in the winter months. I have only been down it a few times since then, but it is not nearly as exciting. Last I heard, the old road was still open for bicyclists and brain-dead tourists coming to Idaho to see potatoes.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thursday 13 - Memories - 5/29/08

Thirteen memorable things I have done that did not cost money:

1. Seen the Northern Lights
2. Watched a Tornado
3. Seen a Total Eclipse
4. Watched a Night Space Shuttle Launch From the Beach
5. Slept Under the Stars
6. Floated the North Fork of the Coeurd’Alene River on inner tubes
7. Seen the Grand Canyon
8. Worked in a mine
9. Walked on Normandy Beach
10. Watched the sunrise in the “Land of the Rising Sun”
11. Lived in 6 Countries
12. Pitched 3 No-Hitters
13. Helped Evacuate Refugees at end of Vietnam war

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Sunday Scribblings - Quit - 5/25/08

No birth announcements purchased
No choice of pink or blue
No photos on the mantle
Of a child they never knew

Never had a birthday party
Never took that initial walk
Never colored outside the lines
Never learned to read or talk

Might have been a friend to Jesus
Might have been Satan’s spawn
Might have been a poet or teacher
Or the one who cuts your lawn

Might have been somebody’s lover
Might have been somebody’s pain
Might have saved the world from hardship
Might have been its sad refrain

Never got a chance to flourish
Never got a chance to lose
Never got a chance at life
Never got a chance to choose

Might have been somebody famous
Might have been no one of note
No memories or mementos
Just this painful anecdote

But they quit before she started
They quit before he had a voice
They quit before he drew his first breath
They quit because they had a choice

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thursday 13 - Favorite Movie Franchises - 5/22/08

My initial list had about 40 just off the top of my head, so I had to whittle down. I restricted the list to franchises that consisted of at least three films. That eliminated such favorites of mine as: Grumpy Old Men, Arthur, Clerks, Wayne's World, Ace Ventura, Bill and Ted, Meet the Parents, and Men in Black. Then I had to trim more so I reluctantly lost Superman (Christopher Reeves versions), Rocky, National Lampoon, Star Wars, Rush Hour, Star Trek, Alien, Oh God, James Bond (Sean Connery only), X-men, Death Wish, The Matrix, Austin Powers, Shrek, Oceans 11, Mission Impossible, and Batman (too many Batmen). So I ended up by choosing the ones I would want to watch right now. My favorite movie franchises in no particular order:

1. Monty Python – One of the greatest comedy ensembles ever. They made several great movies. My kind of humor.
2. The Terminator – Classic Arnold Schwarzenegger. Great story line.
3. Die Hard – John McClane is one of the best action movie characters ever developed. Just enough smart-ass for my liking.
4. Lethal Weapon – Characters much more important than plot. Joe Pesci was great.
5. Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Westerns – Loved them all. My favorite cowboy ever.
6. Dirty Harry – Some of the most memorable quotes ever: “Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Pretty obvious I love Clint Eastwood movies.
7. Back to the Future – Fun movies, Christopher Lloyd as Doc Brown, no better character actor.
8. The Godfather – Amazing story, paved the way for the Sopranos.
9. Pirates of the Caribbean – Johnny Depp might be the best actor on the planet. He can make anything watchable.
10. Harry Potter – Captivating stories overshadow horrible child actors.
11. Lord of the Rings – My favorite story ever brought to life with fantastic on-location scenery.
12. Indiana Jones – Most unlikely action hero ever. Can’t wait for the new one to open.
13. Jack Ryan Movies – Written by Tom Clancy. Patriot Games, Hunt for Red October, Clear and Present Danger, and The Sum of All Fears. Harrison Ford was my favorite Jack Ryan.

I would like to hear yours.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Three Word Wednesday - delayed, edge, focus - 5/21/08

Both of you who regularly read my blog know that I grew up in northern Idaho. At the same time a friend of mine, of about the same age, was growing up in North Carolina. The south was dealing with integration, desegregation, civil rights demonstrations, and violence generated by racism. I saw accounts of it on the television, but as with a lot of things that did not directly affect me, I basically ignored it. It was another world.

The only diversity that I was confronted was that some of my classmates had brown eyes. I noticed that in the 2000 census, Idaho was down to only 95 per cent white. A regular melting pot, we were (that sounded like Yoda). Oh, we had some Native American and Mexican students, but we really didn’t notice. The darkest skinned kid among us was Paul Richter. His photo is here. Though he had a very vile ethnic nickname (which I will not reveal here), he used his number 2 pencil to shade in the “white” circle on his SATs.

Most of us were third or fourth generation European immigrants with names like Dorendorf, Rinaldi, Birchmeier, McCoy, Burkhart, Blickensderfer (I think that is German for beautiful), VanHoose, Eixenberger, Wainright, Jasberg, Arnhold, and Schonewald. Our parents worked in the mines and forests.

My friend remembers white-only bathrooms and water fountains. Black people could not eat in restaurants, (my friend lived very near the Greensboro Woolworth sit in http://americanhistory.si.edu/Brown/history/6-legacy/freedom-struggle-2.html), were herded into the balconies of movie theaters, were banned from public swimming pools, and had to enter through the back door of businesses they were allowed into. I cannot relate to this. It seems impossible to me to fathom. Isn’t this America? Instead of worrying about the effect of the Berlin Wall, perhaps Eisenhower and Kennedy (Ich bin ein RACIST) should have looked at the apartheid in this country. Oh, that's right, blacks did not have the right to vote in the elections of either of these presidents. You do the math. But I digress.












I have since come to understand a bit more of what the south went through, particularly as it deals with education. During the hundred years of segregation following the civil war, each school district had to fund two separate schools. One black and one white. Since the south was very poor, that meant two underfunded and ineffective schools. Unfortunately for the black students, what scant funding there was ended up mostly in the white schools. Education was not paramount as about the only employment available was in textile mills and agriculture. One did not need to know the Pythagorean Theorem to prepare for a life of picking cotton or tobacco or making bedspreads.

In 1965, the schools were integrated and the black schools were closed. (Even though Brown vs The Board of Education, banning segregation, became law in 1954, its implementation was delayed in the south)

When the students were combined, it was found that the black students, through no fault of their own, were behind the white students. As a result, at least in my friend’s school, there was a distinct dumbing down of the white students to allow black students to catch up. The black students were pushed through with their age group. Students graduated with my friend that could not even read, let alone read at grade-level. The sons of wealthy white families had the alternative of private military school. But the girls, such as my friend, had no options.

My friend received a substandard education in North Carolina, while in Idaho I had the opportunity for a well-rounded and comprehensive education. I had some great teachers and facilities. Though through my own inattentiveness and fragmented focus I did not take full advantage of what was afforded me, I learned a lot by osmosis. If you throw enough paint at a canvas, you will eventually get a painting.

My friend is very intelligent but largely uneducated. As a result, she thinks of herself as dumb and lacks confidence. It greatly saddens me. She was a canvas that was never painted on. Of course, the upside is she mistakenly thinks I am smart. Who would have guessed that growing up in the wilds of Northern Idaho would give me an academic edge over anyone?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sunday Scribblings/Writer's Island - "Soar/Impulsive" - 5/18/08

This weeks prompts for Sunday Scribblings and Writer's Island were soar and impulsive, respectively. I am much too lazy to write two posts. This is my response to both.


















I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
WHO'S NEVER MADE MISTAKES
NEVER SUFFERED HUMAN FAILINGS
ALWAYS LIVED FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
ADORNED IN BRILLIANT WHITE
WITH VIRGIN HEART UNBROKEN
HAVING ALWAYS DONE WHAT'S RIGHT

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
WHO'S NEVER SUCCUMBED TO DESIRES
NEVER HEEDED TO IMPULSIVE CRAVINGS
OR BEEN CONSUMED BY FERVENT FIRES

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
AFRAID TO GIVE HERSELF TO ME
NOT KNOWING HOW TO MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE THE MAN I LONG TO BE

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
SHE MIGHT FLUTTER WHEN I HOLD HER TIGHT
AND SPREAD HER WINGS AND SOAR AWAY
WHEN I NEED HER IN THE NIGHT

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
THAT HUNGER HAS NEVER POSSESSED
THAT'S NEVER KNOWN THE SALACIOUS PLEASURE
OF FORBIDDEN LOVE'S CARESS

I DON'T WANT AN ANGEL
JUST THE IMPERFECT SOUL THAT'S YOU
FOR WITH NOTHING TO COMPARE MY LOVE
YOU CAN'T KNOW THAT IT'S TRUE

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL
AND A SAINT I’LL NEVER BE
I'LL REMOVE YOUR RING OF LIGHT
TAKE THE CROWN OF THORNS FROM ME





Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thursday 13 - Favorite Quotes - 5/15/08

There was apparently no theme this week so I came up with my own. That will teach you. My topic this week is some of my favorite quotations. I tried, unsuccessfully, to limit myself to 13, but as I am an undisciplined lout, that was impossible. None of these deserved to be cut. It took a lot of effort to prune my list to those listed below:

1. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ...Albert Einstein

2. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. ....Source Unknown

3. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ....John F. Kennedy

4. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? ...Stephen Levine

5. Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same. ...Oscar Wilde

6. I went to the American School of Redundancy School ...Jack A. Goodman

7. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ...Fran Lebowitz

8. Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose. ...Baltazar Gracian, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, 1647

9. Just because you have a computer, doesn't mean you can't be stupid. ...Beavis and Butthead

10. The Ten Commandments contain 297 words. The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words. A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words. ...Atlanta Journal

11. (A journalist asked if there was room for forgiveness toward the people who abetted the 9/11 terrorist attacks against America.)

I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting. ...General Norman Schwartzkopf

12. Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. ...ANDRE GIDE

13. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. ...Mark Twain

14. If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember. ....Kahlil Gibran

15. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. ....Robert Frost

16. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. ...Fredrick Nietzsche

17. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible ...Voltaire

18. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. ...Winston Churchill

19. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ....George Carlin

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Thursday Thirteen - Gross Words - 5/8/08

The prompt this week is gross. The following are words that are gross to me. Words that are considereed profanity are not included. That would be too easy. Some of these words will appear gross even if you do not know the definition. They are in no order of grossness. There are many more but these came to mind.

1. Phlegm
2. Pus
3. Mucus
4. Queef
5. Septic
6. Sewage
7. Fecal
8. Laceration
9. Prepuce
10. Lesion
11. Pungent
12. Putrid
13. Seepage

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Sunday Scribblings - Family - 5/04/08

This week's prompt is "Family".




Warmth when it is cold outside
Smells of chicken frying
Bandages on playground wounds
A hug when I am crying

Proud applause, forgotten lines
A rabbit in a a 3rd grade play
Trying to guess what’s beneath the tree
Long before Christmas day

Risking grievous bodily harm
By wearing brother’s clothes
Giving mother dandelions
She accepted as a rose

Inspecting sister’s first boyfriend
And teasing her for years
Striking out to lose the game
Dad wiped away the tears

But he doesn’t give up on me
Or let me lose my nerve
He pitches to me for hours
‘til I learn to hit the curve

In a hard and hateful world
Where no one seems to care
When I feel I have no friends
My family’s always there

Waving hands and tear-filled eyes
At the airport departure gate
Goodbye to one that’s leaving
It’s those moments we all hate

Though we scatter ‘cross the globe
We’re still of the same heart
And we are still a family
Though we’re many miles apart


City Daily Photo - Numbers - 5/3/08

I stumbled across a unique prompt at Crazy Cow. City Daily Photo gives a monthly prompt and you supply a photo of your city that you feel matches the prompt. The prompt this month is "numbers". I think these numbers say it all. And we, in South Carolina, usually enjoy the lowest gas prices in the country.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Thursday 13 - #143 - The "F" Words - 5/1/08

The prompt was to pick a letter of the alphabet and pick 13 words beginning with that letter that I believe describes me. It was difficult to censor it and limit it to 13 words since I am such a funny fat fucker.

1. Fastidious
2. Free-thinking
3. Fescennine
4. Father
5. Forthright
6. Fifty-Five
7. Flatulent
8. Frugal
9. Faineant
10. Frank
11. Facile
12. Fretful
13. Friendly