Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Close Call With Technology 4/18/2010

Yesterday I attended CREATE South 2010 at Horry-Georgetown Technical College. CREATE is an acronym for Carolina Regional Exposition of Art, Technology and Education. CREATE 2010 was an all-day event. My reasons for attending were to learn how to increase the number of people who regularly read my blog into double figures and to hear the Yale Brothers perform while I ate free barbecue.

I was more out of place at this event than a Clemson football player in a classroom. I am certain I was the only person in the room that did not speak fluent Klingon. I confirmed my fears that my understanding of technology lies somewhere between Fred Flintstone and the Bushmen of the Kalahari. Everyone came in with their notebooks and I Phones and immediately linked up, becoming one organism, like the Borg, I couldn’t bring my own laptop, as my battery only lasts about 30 seconds without recharge and I would have had to haul in my docking station and a huge roll of extension cord. It would be like the Yale Brothers setting up for a half-hour show.

It was like being in Salt Lake City or Harlem. Everyone knew each other. Some had never met face to face, but they knew each other just the same. A presenter would mention a person’s name that I had of course never heard of, and I think I could actually hear orgasms scattered through the room. Guy Kawasaki evidently has nothing to do with motorcycles. And Chris Brogan is the Tiger Woods of the geek world, sans the random fornication.

I am so glad that I did not embarrass myself by bringing in my cell phone. I think they would have gathered around me like the monkeys at the monolith. I am certain I was the only person in the room that had actually made a telephone call on their cell phone. Most of these folks probably didn’t know that feature still existed.
Well, there was little discussion about blogging, other than the fact that the google network that I use for this blog is not used by anyone else but losers like me. The real bloggers use Wordpress. Every time the word Google was uttered, the entire room broke into hysterical laughter. The talk was all about podcasts, twitter, Comcast, camtasia, social media, and living in the online community. I don’t live in the online community. I like to go there, but I enjoy the real world. Some of these people haven’t ventured outside since Al Gore invented the Internet. I think I got my answer as to why nobody reads my blog. It is the same reason nobody reads Beowulf anymore. Why take the timed to read this crap when you can listen to a podcast while you twitter?

There was a portion of the day devoted to networking ideas between attendees. Someone would get up and talk about a project and somebody else would offer their particular skills and expertise, immediately creating a partnership. Since I have no project ideas, skills or expertise, I was not a part of this phenomenon, though I found it interesting. One person wants to put all the world’s works of art online so kids won’t have to go to museums to see them. One of the presenters made the comment that there are no bad ideas. I silently disagreed. Exterminating the Jews and changing the Coke formula immediately came to mind. That and putting all the world’s works of art online so kids won’t have to go to museums.

One old guy got up and in his efforts to hawk a book he had written claimed that he invented the Happy Meal. Being the cynic that I am, I took his name down and looked it up on the Internet (when I got home) and discovered that he was one french-fry short of a Happy Meal. I think he comes from the Al Gore School of inventing things. I knew he was questionable when he explained his book at length and I still had no idea what it was about.

The good news is that the barbecue was excellent and I got a chance to meet Chris Yale, who has managed to avoid me up until now.

19 comments:

Chris said...

Avoid you? I avoid all of Rog's friends! But now we're friends. At least that's what the Facebook app on my trusty iPhone says...Oh, by the way, I'm on Blogspot as well.

myrtle beached whale said...

once it was found that I was on blogspot I was shunned like an Amish prostitute.

orionsbow said...

You have, once again, managed to leave me NO CHOICE but to end my otherwise remarkably mundane day not only laughing hysterically at something which you penned with all the seriousness of a liquor shortage on New Year's Eve but to do so while deeply regretting not having enough time to join you as a willing co-conspirator as you haved asked me on numerous occasions to do. It is amazing to me that you find yourself in such interesting situations enjoying the types of things in which I used to participate gleefully but have somehow managed to abandon. Using you as inspiration, I might just stumble over my real life again at some point if I keep at it long enough. Thanks buddy. What a good laugh!

Jim said...

This is excellent writing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I think you have an excellent grasp of what it means to "Be In The World, But Not Of The World". I have been working with computers as part of my livelihood since about 1973, when I programmed teletypewriters with a 5-bit Baudot Code punched paper tape. Spring that one on these little whippersnappers sometime! (And I know you must have worked on some serious Big Iron in your time in the Service). Yet, I am of no help to my workmates who asked me to unlock a PC that someone had password-protected the screen saver. Pitiable.
But I digress.

Tell, if thou knowest it, do you really get a "pay-per-view", or clickthrough to yur site, for blogs hits or YouTube views?
If so, what kind of dollar volume might one hope to achieve?

myrtle beached whale said...

Jim, I know if I got paid by the hit I could not even pay for my Internet service. I do know that there are blogs that are making money through advertising.

Roger Yale said...

"Thanks for noticing us, Rick," (In best Eeyore voice.)

myrtle beached whale said...

Roger, thank you for your well thought out comments. I needed some resume material.

Forgetfulone said...

Guess I'm a loser, too. Still using blogger with no plans to change. Thanks for making me laugh, too!

Songwraith said...

Great post! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

haha! That's hilarious! And lord help the kids of the guy who wants to put all works of art on the internet (by the way a copy of each you can find online somewhere I'm sure). His kids will probably never leave the house and won't understand why you need the real work art and the museum atmosphere to add to the experience. Carson loves museums, especially art museums. Love ya. Carly

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

Hilarious. I was there with my dinosaur of a laptop that also won't keep a charge. But I learned from last year's conference and brought a power strip and team up with someone else who had an extension cord. I still use Blogger too.

In spite of all of the handicaps, sounds like we both enjoyed the day.

myrtle beached whale said...

I did sign up for Twitter as a result. I now have over 3 followers hanging on my every word.

Heather Solos said...

Rick, I'm shy as hell and tend to get really overwhelmed by large crowds, but I promise if you had said hello I would have responded.
This was my third year working with CREATE South and with a few recent successes, I have a lot of enthusiasm, probably bordering on creepy. I admit there is a lot of inside baseball, but isn't that true for a lot of groups that form based on a common interest?
While I'm sorry you felt out of place, I do wonder if perhaps some of it was due to predetermination.

myrtle beached whale said...

Heather: in the same way that I don't Grok technology, I think you are lost in sarcasm.

Heather Solos said...

Perhaps we just speak different dialects, that leads to enough confusion in its own right.

Rena said...

Hey, I think you have a great blog and you are a master of playlists.

Imelda said...

Oh, you give me such comfort (I too have a laptop which has a battery so dead it can't last long enough for me to move from one electrical outlet to another... not what the inventors had in mind, I think). And you had me laughing so much. Thanks Rick. Have missed you during my absence from Blogland.

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