Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My God's Better Than Your God - 7/28/2010

My daily walk on the beach not only improves my health but my clarity as well. I get daily ideas for blogs, songs, and smartass Facebook posts. Unfortunately, since I have the memory of the east wing of a nursing home, much of this genius is lost before I can get home and write it down. But this morning was different. I had an epiphany.

I have an idea that will immediately improve the world more significantly than any innovation since fire. I am surely to win the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize. I am so sure of this that I am contacting JG Wentworth for an advance against the cash award. My idea:

Gather all documents, scripture, writings, and doctrine from every known religion: Christianity (including Mormonism, Protestants, Snake handlers, and Catholics), Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Judaism, Shinto, Rastafarianism, Scientology, Atheist, Satanism, and whatever others exist.

Edit these texts to find the following words: know, truth, factual, judgmental, infidel, certainty, right, sanctimonious, absolute, sure, real, exact, fact, true, certain, undeniable, veracious, genuine, hate, intolerance, virtuous, superior, faultless, infallible, irrefutable, perfect, unquestionable, supercilious, greater, higher, prophet, superiority, occupation, reality, arrogant, bigotry, fanaticism, holier than thou, self-righteous, pious, Holy War, narrow-mindedness, presumptuous, convert, judgment, kill, righteous……………….

and replace them with: believe, faith, hope, guess, speculate, fantasy, delusion, suppose, myth, conjecture, wish, peace, tolerance, clueless, confused, bewildered, superstition, mystified, opinion, fabrication, stumped, fable, puzzled, coexist, lore, cooperate, open-mindedness, fairness, unknown, benevolence, legend, compassion, indulgence, patience, understanding, leniency, rational, WAG, story, acceptance, assumption, hypothesis, theory, thesis, temperance, pidooma, sensibility…………………….

Without a doubt someone will read this post and nod their head in agreement, thinking it is true for all beliefs except theirs.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay. You evidently already pissed off someone on facebook. I can't leave a comment on it. I LOVE the last line! That line alone can inspire a full novel. Love you. Carly

orionsbow said...

Genius. I've always said that. An epiphany indeed. Here's the thing: while loving the ideals that Christianity and all the reformed religions teach, I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS believed that this world would be a MUCH saner and safer place if there were NO ORGANIZED RELIGION. There couldn't be as much hatred and killing if there was nothing religious to kill people over. No minor interpretation of a lesser passage in some obscure text (you hear me Mooselims?) that turns entire regions of people against each other, no reason to banish your neighbors that don't observe on the same day you do or haven't quite caught up with the modern version of what you read. Then we'd have to fight about real stuff, like money and land. Like the good old days, remember?

Nadja said...

If only it were that simple. :)

Blondie said...

Oh how I wish you could attend my church--it is SO different from how Church is portrayed by the media and the "Religious Right." Please recognize that there are PLENTY of Christians out there who do not behave badly and instead spend their time and energy serving anyone/everyone that needs help.

myrtle beached whale said...

My last line predicted your response. I know there are good and true people of all faiths. Unfortunately, they are not the ones I seem to come in contact with.

Go Figure said...

Whale: Required viewing...Boondock Saints. "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."

Go Figure said...

Whale: Just heard that 10 persons were killed in Afganistan because they were spies and trying to convert people to Christianity when they were doctors and others treating Afgan people in remote areas.

Go Figure said...

Whale: Whas a happening man? Bardelli is looking for someone to 'catch' him. I have explained to him that because of my eyes (bifocals required) I can't catch a dang ball because my eyes don't adjust in time to pick it up when it crosses the 'far' from the 'near' line. Ha. He says, I couldn't see before and that is why I couldn't hit even a hanging curve.

Blondie said...

And when was the last time you set foot in a "church"? You say you "predicted" my response, yet where are your "sources"? The Media? News stories? Or actually SPENDING TIME in a Place of Worship or interacting with People of Faith in REAL LIFE (Internet excluded?)

myrtle beached whale said...

Thank you for proving my point Blondie. Your church is unique, just like every other claims to be.

Michelle said...

If only it was about 'church'.