Friday, April 4, 2008

Sunday Scribblings - The Photograph - 4/6/08


This photo is one that I have never shared with anyone before. I took it of an extraterrestrial being that landed near my home some time ago. I am thinking that the reason the photo seems so abstract is that the creature was not a solid form like we are. He appeared to be composed of an ever-changing almost molten material. His extremities expanded somewhat like Inspector Gadget. He communicated with me by a series of clicking sounds, groans, and something close to flatulence. We used hand signals to communicate and I taught him that the middle finger was a sign of respect and should be used whenever encountering one of our politicians. “Take me to your leader” indeed. He did not appear hostile but I did not turn my back to him, fearing the obligatory anal probe these guys are so famous for. His odor was roughly that of a freshly washed dog being dried by a kerosene lamp. In contrast to other accounts of ETs being green or gray in color, he was almost colorless, leading me to believe that the climate on his home planet is somewhat like that of England. He wore no clothing and did not seem ashamed of his extremely small genitalia, much like the pants less Donald Duck. His fingers were extremely long and his feet huge, exposing that myth. His ridiculously long neck and huge head revealed that his world had very little gravity. The gravitational pull of earth caused him to continuously fall down resulting in uproarious laughter from me. I thought out loud that his God must have a lot better sense of humor than ours. If he took offense to my ridicule, he could do nothing about it as it took his full concentration to remain balanced and upright. He looked to be hungry and thirsty. Through hand signals I determined that to be the case. I held up a finger (not the middle one) in the universal symbol for “wait just a second” and went inside and produced a liter bottle of Patron Tequila and a jar of Habanera Peppers. He poured the contents of both into the toothless hole that served as his mouth. He immediately turned bright red and his eyes doubled in size and intensity. He failed in his ongoing battle to remain ambulatory and after spewing the contents of his stomach, including some curious matter other than Agava and peppers, he crawled back to his craft and made a very hasty and awkward departure. I don’t think he will be back. I did not report the incident until now. I am sure I can trust you all to not be skeptical.

OK, the few of you that read this far will be rewarded with the actual subject of this picture. Recently, we had a total lunar eclipse. I stood on my balcony and attempted to photograph the event. I used the night setting and did not have a tripod, so this is one of the early shots that my unsteady hands produced. Some of the subsequent photos came out better as I found a way to brace myself against the railing.

24 comments:

paisley said...

this was totally freaking excellent!!! even after i found out wahat it really was... i am still amazed... how did you do that?????

Chris said...

WHAT!?! The story's not true!?!? Written only like you can, a wonderful, joyous, and funny read. Thanks for the smile.

Granny Smith said...

A wonderful spoof! It could also appear under Last Sunday's "out of this world" prompt. I'm happy to know now what to feed any little ETs that drop into my vicinity.

Greyscale Territory said...

This is an absolute riot! You almost had me! I was even wanting to believe you!

Enjoyed every single word!

Gemma

Robin said...

I was literally laughing out loud by the time I got halfway through.

I'd never have guessed the actual subject from looking at the photo.

dailypanic said...

I tried to picture you teaching that the third finger method, but I didn't see any fingers, I think I did make out a naked butt..
and I tried harder to see what is not there by your description.
first thought when I saw it was, someone should give up smoking :)

anthonynorth said...

Well I reckon ET nudged your arm as you were taking it :-)

Autrice DelDrago said...

Creative!

Inland Empire Girl said...

Great story though... I am just glad it wasn't one of those pictures of somebody's insides done with a scope. Yuck! I really like the song you have playing "All My Life." Very fitting.

Lucy said...

hahaha Great Story! unsteady hands or not.. What the hell did you photograph?? That is too freaky!
It really really looks right out of the stomach..Alien

myrtle beached whale said...

Lucy,

If you read all the way through you would have known that I photographed the moon during a total lunar eclipse.

forgetfulone said...

Excellent story, as usual! I loved the photo, and thanks for telling us what it really was. But your story was a hoot!

GreenishLady said...

Aw... I wish you hadn't spoiled it by going and telling the truth at the end! That was so funny! Well done!

Anonymous said...

Ha! I knew it was a spoof when you went inside to get Tequila. Unless your household has changed a lot there isn't any liquor in there. :) First Science Fiction I ever read of yours. Great story! Way better then Contact. Carly

amy said...

Funny! I was thinking, how can someone this out of his mind be lucid enough to write about it, at the same time wanting to believe it was all real...

Amazing what tequila can do!

Medhini said...

Very clever thinking. Most of us seemed to have fallen to your trap.

tumblewords said...

Laughed 'til I hurt! Well done, as usual. Laughing on...

keith hillman said...

Wonderful stuff, although I wish I had stopped before the last para!

jadey said...

LMAOROF this was a great and interesting post. Now pass the habaneras to me along with the tequila please. I think I will dip the peppers in chocolate just to take away a little bit of the heat that will burn my esophagus.

Lucy said...

I DID read all the way through.. that's why I mentioned your unsteady hands. You know I would never give your posts only a quickie glance, they're too enjoyable! :))

rebecca said...

no, that really was an extraterrestial...i've seen him! he told me about you and how mean you were. i told him that we were not all like that and introduced him to keith richards...i haven't seen him since....:)

giggles said...

I can't even tell you what I thought this looked like!! Get ye to a comedy store my dear!! You are too funny. And we don't even have to pay to read this stuff!! You rock!

Hugs Giggles

Redheels said...

Just loved it!! I just wasn't sure what in the heck you made a picture of.....I was really surprised.

Anonymous said...

I think it is hysterical how you can make up such crap. No wonder you put a copy write above your material.