Sunday Scribbling - Listen up because this is important - 3/6/09

The Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is "Listen up because this is important!" This gives me an opportunity to climb on the soapbox a bit.

I am never ashamed to be an American, but I am often embarrassed by the stupidity and naivety of my fellow countrymen and women.

I am not going to address the crap the Merinos of America accept as truth from the evening news and their elected officials in Washington D.C.. I am going to discuss how easily they are duped by advertisements and swindled by flimflam.

There are currently commercials running where people are instructed to put all their “unwanted” gold into an envelope and mail it in. They will, in turn, send you a check. National ads would not continue to run if they were not successful. They are too expensive. That means that a lot of people are actually doing this. Does anyone really believe that they are going to receive fair market value, if anything, for this gold? Obviously some trusting souls do believe. If you want to get cheated, go to your local pawn shop and do it face to face. That way, if you don't like what they are offering, you can walk away.

Is there such a thing as “unwanted” gold? Hey, if you have any unwanted Krugerrands or Dubloons, I will take them off your hands. Send them to me and I will send you "cash". I would not want you to be burdened with them.

Oh yeah, and if you happen to have unwanted jewelry, here is a thought. Give it back to the poor bastard that bought it for you.

There exists a plethora of prescription drugs that instruct the viewer to “ask your doctor” about a particular course of treatment. Isn’t that exactly opposite of how the system should work? Shouldn’t the doctor diagnose the malady and prescribe the appropriate drug? Is it really good medicine for us to self-diagnose and then tell our physician which drug we think is best for us? “Doc, I think if you look at my chart you will clearly see that the Chemo and radiation therapy are not working. I would like to try 36 hour Cialis.”

I have been half-heartedly looking for employment. I made the mistake of listing my resume on some of the online job services; Career Builder, Monster, etc. I am contacted nearly every day by ridiculous scams promising a jillion dollars from working at home part-time. Evidently, I can earn thousands by being a “mystery shopper. “ There are also foreign companies looking to do business in the US and they have decided I am the perfect person to be their agent. How exciting. They are going to send me loads of money if I just provide them my bank account, social security number, and other personal information. Even AFLAC has a scam where you pay them several hundred dollars for insurance training and then you might qualify to be an “independent” agent, but you might not. Again, if these cons did not work, they would not continue to thrive. It is my opinion that anyone stupid enough to be victimized by any of these obvious frauds deserves what they get. Or rather lose.

There are a bunch of weight loss schemes and programs that all use a common method. It obviously works. They show before and after photos of prior “customers”. In the after photo, they not only appear to have lost weight, but they now have new hairstyles, a tan, and nicer clothing. Some actually have different color eyes, hair, and sometimes they actually appear to have altered their race. They even stand in front of a nicer home.

This promotion is obviously effective as they are all doing it. Not just weight loss but skin, hair, and teeth whitening products. Watching this type of advertising has given me an idea. I could be a “before” model for virtually any product. I need an agent.

The only true advertisement I have seen lately is for that weight loss product that makes you periodically crap your pants, Alli. Their spokesperson is Wynonna Judd. She talks about the product changing her life, but there is no evidence of any weight loss. If anything, she is heavier than ever. She makes no claims to having lost weight. But she speaks of Alli altering her life. I can only believe that she enjoys soiling her granny panties enough to recommend the product.

Again, I am available for endorsement. There is something intriguing about getting paid to shit myself. Again, I need an agent, stat. In just a few short years my marketability will be ruined when I fill my briefs naturally and involuntarily, sans Alli.