Monday, September 7, 2009

Fishing Programs - 9/7/09

Most television advertisements feature a disclaimer in fine print at the bottom of the screen, repudiating nearly every claim made by the product manufacturer. Miracle dietary products state “results depend on a healthy diet and exercise.” Well, if you eat healthy and exercise you don’t need the freaking product. Another common one is “results not typical.” What, I can't lose 50 pounds in 30 days without an amputation?

I was watching a fishing program on one of the many ESPN channels. The fact that I was, in fact, watching a fishing program pretty much illustrates where my life is at. I wasn’t really tuned in to watch fishing but was waiting for the rerun of the 2007 National Heads-up Poker World Celebrity Championship Texas Hold-em Las Vegas Showdown Tournament. Still not sure why Poker is considered a sport on television but so is bowling, so I am on board.

These fishing programs would lead you to believe that these guys catch a fish every cast, making the rest of the fishing world that often haplessly fish all day without so much as a nibble, feel like total assholes. What they don’t tell you is that they had filmed countless hours of uneventful fishless boredom to get thirty minutes of action. If you pay attention you may notice beard growth, a change of clothing, a change of cast, a change of location, and a change of seasons during this thirty minute episode. They also don’t show the scuba divers attaching fish to the lines in desperation as the director shouts, “we are losing light!”

I propose that fishing programs be required to add a disclaimer, “individual results may vary.”

I would also request that the poker programs include a proviso: “when playing actual poker, participants do not get to see the other players hands.”

9 comments:

G-Man said...

They say you get one strike for every 1000 casts when fishing for Muskies!!
Tape editing makes every boring sport watchable...
Thanks for the props on your previous post, and I hope to hell you continue writing 55's....G

Regina said...

Hey, you didn't mention Brian Regan's bit about watching fishing- I'm not just watching fishing, I'm taping fishing! plus-
"At the end, they roll credits. There's 90 people involved with these two guys fishing! What the hell are they all doing? And one of the credits is 'film editor.' This poor guy, he's got to watch all the footage that's not exciting enough to make it into the final product."

myrtle beached whale said...

G-Man: I thought Muskie was that guy that ran with Humphrey that time.

Regina: I love Brian Regan and I made a point not to steal any of his stuff. He also talks about one of the credits being writers. "Nice fish Earl."

Orionsbow said...

I would offer that simply watching a fishing show, and I AM a
FISHER-MAN, should not be considered as desperate as actually succumbing to the countless ads for the endless variants of "sure-fire", "can't miss", "you'll catch fish by the truckload" artificial lures that usually sponsor the shows. I have spent enough money on these foam, wood and rubber wonders to have dug my own lake and stocked it with largemouths. I don't know WHY they don't work for me, I tie them on and throw them out and reel them back, just like the pros say to do. I mean, I've SEEN these lures in action, underwater, swimming around looking very much like REAL fish. If I was a fish, even if I wasn't hungry, I'd have to grab one of these things and eat it, just to see if it tasted as good as it looked. Why the fish I live near totally ignor all those NASA inspired marvels of high technology I have no idea. But they do. I've seen fish peering at me from underwater, just inches from my high dollar, space age lures, laughing out loud while unwrapping a ham samich. It's disconcerting to say the least. If ever a candidate for a disclaimer existed, it would be TV advertised fishing lures. It should read "Notice: results vary depending upon virtually everything."

myrtle beached whale said...

I always thought it strange that artificial worms cost more than real worms. Why not just buy real worms?

forgetfulone said...

Oh, yes, on the poker, especially! Ain't that the truth?

raymond pert said...

Televised poker and fishing are a lot alike in the way that a lot of tedium occurs that we never see. I sure enjoy poker on television. Since I don't have cable/satellite at home, I get all my poker viewing in at Mom's and sometimes I'll watch the same episode three or more times. Can't explain it, just enjoy it.

myrtle beached whale said...

Poker is funny like that. It is great theatre. I even have my favorite players as in sports. One thing about Poker is that with enough practice it can be a learned skill. Normal sports require talent that cannot be learned. It appears the main thing required to be a world class poker player is to be a complete asshole. I have that mastered. I just need to learn to squash my tells. Like screaming like a little girl when I have pocket aces.

Anonymous said...

Hey just fyi for Raymond Pert, NBC has poker after dark every week night. I got addicted when I was working on a very difficult client and was working pretty much constantly. On Friday's they do a full recap of the whole week.