Friday, February 15, 2008

Love Poem - World's Largest Simile? 2/14/08


I didn't quite finish this in time for Valentine's Day. It got kind of carried away. I know some of it is corny (a lot of it) but it is what it is. No one will get it all, but I hope there is something for everyone. It is rough, so don't mind the typos or misspellings. If you would like to add verses, email them to me and I will add them. Maybe we can get into Guiness.

I want to say I love you like its never been said
I love you from your toes to the top of your head
I love you like socialites love diamonds and rubies
I love you like Hefner loves silicone boobies
I love you like Boston loves the Red Sox
I love you like geologists love mountains of rocks
I love you like Satan loves triple six
I love you like an addict loves his next fix
I love you like a hunter loves to kill
I love you like a beneficiary loves a will
I love you like Bogart loved Lauren Bacall
I love you like a Tar Heel loves basketball
I love you like a politician loves votes
I love you like a fisherman lives his boat
I love you like a Christian loves Jesus Christ
I love you like a southerner loves his tea iced
I love you like a drinker loves his Jim Beam
I love you like Maslow loved self-esteem
I love you like Richard Petty loves speed
I love you like a boy scout loves a good deed
I love you like a salesman loves a commission
I love you like Aamco loves a transmission
I love you like a bartender loves last call
I love you like a Valley Girl loves the mall
I love you like a singer loves to sing
I love you like a mother loves her offspring
I love you like Texans love oil
I love you like a fencer loves a foil
I love you like a farmer loves rain
I love you like a masochist loves pain
I love you like a golfer loves under par
I love you like Paparazzi loves movie stars
I love you like an accountant loves income tax
I love you like Joe Friday loved facts
I love you like rednecks love number 3
I love you like a patriot loves his country
I love you like Eliza Doolittle loved Henry Higgins
I love you like Al Bundy loves Bigguns
I love you like a convict loves his release
I love you like a warrior loves peace
I love you like Vanna White loves letters
I love you like a credit bureau loves debtors
I love you like Captain Kirk loves warp speed
I love you like Roy loves Siegfried
I love you like Newton loved gravity
I love you like a dentist loves a cavity
I love you like Minnesota loves spring
I love you like gangsters love bling
I love you like we all love puppies
I love you like Mercedes are loved by yuppies
I love you like Bill Clinton loves pages
I love you like employers love minimum wage
I love you like assassins love assault rifles
I love you like the British love trifle
I love you like monsters love nightfall
I love you like haters love nothing at all
I love you like an actor loves applause
I love you like children love Santa Claus
I love you like June Carter loved Johnny Cash
I love you like a pothead loves his stash
I love you like a tribe loves a chief
I love you like surfers love a coral reef
I love you like a pigeon loves to come home
I love you like photographers love Kodocrome
I love you like CSI loves DNA
I love you like a worker loves payday
I love you like a Senator loves a kickback
I love you like a general loves to attack
I love you like Nike loves tennis shoes
I love you like BB King loves the blues
I love you like a geek loves video games
I love you like a lawyer loves shifting the blame
I love you like Pfizer loves erectile dysfunction
I love you like a mechanic loves a malfunction
I love you like a Mexican loves crossing the border
I love you like policemen love law and order
I love you like a surgeon loves an incision
I love you like a optometrist loves faulty vision
I love you like mathematicians love pi
I love you like astronomers love the sky
I love you like the deaf love to read
I love you like critters love feed
I love you like Jessie Jackson loves controversy
I love you like God loves to show mercy
I love you like conspiracy theorists love UFOs
I love you like a coups loves an overthrow
I love you like a burglar loves open doors
I love you like Charlie Sheen loves whores
I love you like Catholics love the pope
I love you like Cheech and Chong loved smoking dope
I love you like a sailor loves shore leave
I love you like Ward loved the Beeve
I love you like grandmas love little babies
I love you like dermatologists love scabies
I love you like corporations love to outsource
I love you like dictators love brutal force
I love you like mailmen love January
I love you like Stephen King loves scary
I love you like New Orleans would love elevation
I love you like celebrities love adoration
I love you like a gambler loves a straight flush
I love you like a model loves an airbrush
I love you like old men love soft toilet paper
I love you like a terrorist loves a skyscraper
I love you like dreamers love idle time
I love you like poets love rhymes
I love you like a musician loves being in tune
I love you like brides love June
I love you like Simon loves to critique
I love you like George Bush loves to misspeak
I love you like Gollum loves rings
I love you like Shakespeare loved kings
I love you like a banker loves piles of cash
I love you like Springer loves white trash
I love you like Milton Bradley loves games
I love you like a pyromaniac loves flames
I love you like a comedian loves smiles
I love you like Steve Irwin loved crocodiles
I love you like a therapist loves paranoids
I love you like a bodybuilder loves Roids
I love you like a mohel loves circumcision
I love you like Asians love long division
I love you like New England loves quaint
I love you like artists love paint
I love you like the Weather Channel loves hurricanes
I love you like critics love Citizen Kane
I love you like skinheads love Idaho
I love you like Aspen loves snow
I love you like magicians love an illusion
I love you like a hemophiliac loves a transfusion
I love you like coeds love spring break
I love you like a fat man loves steak
I love you like Fonzie loves to be cool
I love you like tricksters love April Fools
I love you like Jewish people love lox
I love you like geologists love mountains of rocks
I love you like actresses love their cosmetics
I love you like amputees love their prosthetics
I love you like Hedonists love pleasure
I love you like pirates love buried treasure
I love you like the Hazards loved General Lee
I love you like I hope you love me

9 comments:

Little Wing said...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!
I LOVE this!!!!!!!!

giggles said...

I love your quirky genius mind
That’s full of goof and wit
I can't resist to daily check
Your blog for more of it
So please keep entertaining us
With your distinct flare
Because you are so talented
You’ll have many readers there!

Clap Clap Clap and a bow....bravo...excellent....the worst part is I recognize everything you speak of, and it makes me really old!! hahaha

Hugs Sherrie

Lucy said...

Hahaha! You are so funny! You DO have a genius mind! ( and I'm envious your free time!) Okay.. here are some verses I quickly came up with! We SHOULD start a Guiness collection Rick! great idea! :))

i love you like a hamper loves a dirty sock
I love you like a climber loves a mighty rock
I love you like a favorite seinfeld episode
I love you like a bomber loves Explode
I love you like a rainbow loves the rain
I love you like a neurosurgeon loves the brain
I love you like an artist loves a brush
I love you like a schoolgirl loves a crush
I love you like a squirrel loves his nuts
I love you like a golfer loves hit putts
I love you like a teacher loves the summer
I love you like an ass who loves his hummer

myrtle beached whale said...

Little Wing:

I think brilliant may not be the word that describes this. Maybe resilient? LOL

Giggles:

Thanks so much. My three readers mean a lot to me.

Lucy:

How did I know you would be my first contributor? It is not that I have so much time. I have restructured the time I previously devoted to viewing porn. If I suddently stop writing you will know where I am.

Anonymous said...

Love it! Love it ! I printed this one. I may have to come back. Looks like this simile could go on for miles.
Pun intended. corny so what!
Miss Rose

Beautiful Witch said...

Lots of fun and irreverent. Possibly even snort milk out of my nose funny... :)

forgetfulone said...

Again, I'm cracking up! I wish I had something to add, but I think you said it all.

UL said...

I love them, every single one of them :)

Roger Yale said...

That's a lot of rhymes, Busta!

I love you like your landlord loves your lease.
I love you like Old Navy loves Fleece.