Thursday, November 13, 2008

55 Flash Fiction Friday - "Lost Time" - 11/14/08

I hadn't participated in 55 Flash Fiction Friday for quite a while. I decided this week I would try something a little different to inspire me. I wrote the 55 and then made an audio/video of it. This is my first attempt at such a thing. I hope you like it. Please excuse my raspy voice.

video

Lost Time

Never been in this kind of place
Worst task a dad can face
“Is this your son?” unzipping the bag
Name already on the tag
“We found a note, it wasn’t much
There with all the drugs and such”
His son’s own hand, his heart it tore
“Dear dad, I wish we’d gone fishing more”

16 comments:

ciara said...

now if it wasn't sad enough WITHOUT the video *sigh* very moving 55.

i'm up.

paisley said...

well i think you aced it... damn.. this whole thing is so perfect i wish i had thought of it first... you rock!!

on a more human note.... you just never know what it is that you do that will leave a lasting impression... it would be my guess the father never knew how much fishing together had really meant to his son... if he had,,, i am pretty sure they would have done it more.....

G-Man said...

Brother...
Far and above THE best 55 this week!
Absolutely breath taking.
Thank You so much for sharing this masterpiece with me and the world!!
Have a Great Week-End, and don't be such a stranger...galen

raymond pert said...

Your voice is perfect. Its sound fits perfectly with the substance of your poem.

Your slide show unnerved me.

In a good way.

myrtle beached whale said...

thanks for the great comments.

RP: I couldn't have done it without your technical savvy. I am a computer turd.

Mojo said...

Wow. G-Man hit it right on the nose when he said this was an awesome 55.

Gave me chills.

Strumpet said...

Mr. Whale,

Galen said I had to come by...

...so I did.

This is a really moving piece.

It hits very close to my heart.

I had no idea what I would find when I came here.

Maybe some Dad will read this and realize how important his role is in a son's life.

Cos way too many of them do not.

Or in their daughter's life for that matter.

And, yeah, your voice is perfect.

Lulda Casadaga said...

great 55 ...will have to go to my home computer and actually listen to the voice part. :)

Mona said...

This was chilling! One never realizes how late it is unless it is forever. Then one keeps wishing that one could put the clock back. It comes back to haunt you forever, since there was no closure & no second chance to make amends.

Death is a cruel cutter!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I finally got to see it. That is awesome! Carly

Kaknu said...

Reminds me of the song, "Cat's in the Cradle", which ALWAYS makes me cry.

Great 55! *wiping the tears from my eyes*

myrtle beached whale said...

Kaknu:

Funny you should mention that as after I wrote this that song came to mind.

Akelamalu said...

Oh my, how terribly sad. The words alone were enough to bring tears to my eyes, but the video! :(

I truly hope this wasn't written from experience m'dear?

smarmoofus said...

I love the recitation thing. Someone else was doing that... I don't recall who, offhand. But that and the images in your video really brought this story to life. As it were. Great job.

-smarmoofus

Redheels said...

Great 55.
It is too bad that parents just don't know what could change the outcome of their child's life.

This felt so real.

Inland Empire Girl said...

The thing I love about poetry is that a powerful message can be conveyed with a few lines. You did it perfectly. I think your voice fits the piece. Keep writing, keep writing.All of your audience out here loves it.